I'm The Loser...

She's correct. My bestfriend's words...the more you deny the more you feel guilt. The more you deny that you love him the more you tell me that you love him...

This is stupid...DAMN STUPID!!!

Though I'm not really sure, but I think a small piece of my heart...nano metre cubic maybe...is still for him. And I don't want that nano metre cubic becames centi metre or metre...and later it will take up every single part of my heart. I don't want it, really don't want it. Because I know that even I wait until horse's new year (means never!!!) also he'll NEVER likes me. He'll NEVER gives his heart to me, to an ugly little old girl that came suddenly and confidentally, and too arrogant to admit that I'm only an "extra".

Also, I realise something today. I'm not special for him. Though he told the entire world that I'm his bestfriend, but the other girl seems have more portion of that words than me. She's known him longer, much longer than me...she has MUCH MORE things to talk about with him...everytime they are together he looks happier than when he's with me...when they are together there's no vacuum between them...and he always HAPPILY listens to her as what she's talkin' about always interesting and fun.

So, in either way round, she ALWAYS wins...

And yeah...I'm the loser...

Always like this...

And I'm just too used to it, too used to the pain in my heart, and if last time I could survive, why not now?

I also don't know...let the time answers my question...